Vicki’s Journey

Hello everyone!

I can’t even begin to tell you what your cards, flowers, and messages have meant to Preston, Wade, and I. It’s so obvious how much our mom meant to so many people and that knowledge has helped us get through this incredibly painful time. We miss her so much. The loss is incomprehensible most days. We’re doing ok, but it’s hard.

I wanted to share my Facebook fundraiser benefiting The Foundation For Women’s Cancer. I’m hosting the fundraiser in honor of my mom and as a celebration of my upcoming birthday on the 19th. So far, through Facebook donations, donations through Instagram, and donations directly to the foundation, friends and family have raised more than $1700 since the fundraiser went up on Wednesday afternoon! I am truly blown away by the generosity!

If you would like to donate, you can do so via the Facebook fundraiser here: https://www.facebook.com/donate/716329455763216/?fundraiser_source=external_url or you can donate directly to the foundation and in honor of my momma at https://www.foundationforwomenscancer.org/support-us/donate/

If you do donate directly to the foundation and would like to share with me so I can include it in the totals, you can email me at estelford@gmail.com. Or you can be completely anonymous. Facebook shares with me automatically unless you choose to remain anonymous.

My goal is to raise $2,000 by my birthday on August 19th. That would be the best gift imaginable! This birthday will be a rough one. I’ve never celebrated without my mom, but I feel better knowing we’re raising funds to raise awareness about gynocological cancer. It’s my mission in life to help women feel comfortable with their bodies and to know the warning signs of vulvar and other gyno cancers.

There is ABSOLUTELY zero pressure to donate. I just wanted to share the resources in case you were interested.

Thank you so much for reading.

Sending you love,

Elyse

Our momma officially left this earth on Friday, July 10th, 2020 at 2:22 p.m.

She was surrounded by so much love. Preston and I held her hands as she took her last earthly breaths. Wade and my lifelong best friend, Holly, who my momma adored were in the room supporting us. Her brother arrived as she was transitioning. It was so beautiful. So gentle. So loved. Every minute.

I held her as she left this earth and took her last breaths the same way she held me as I took my first. She was so beautiful and peaceful. There was no pain.

The house was filled with family and friends who have carried us through this journey. We are so lucky to be loved by so many. I know how happy it makes my momma to know her babies are taken care of by so many beautiful souls.

She did not want a funeral, but we will celebrate her life together when the time is right. It won’t be for several months at least. I promise to update you all when the time comes.

Obviously, it goes without saying that we are truly devestated. We are shattered. We are broken. We are lost. We are hurt. But, because of her, we are also strong. Through this experience, my momma taught me that I can live my worst nightmare, and I will surivive. She taught me that death is a part of life, and it can be a very beautiful experience. This past week while she was home on hospice has been a bizarrely joyful time. The house has been filled everyday with people who love my mom. We listened to her music, and we sang so many songs to her. We laughed and told stories about my mom. She was surrounded by flowers and pictures of her and her adventures. I made sure every person who entered my mom’s sacred transition space saw her for who she was. I told every nurse and caregiver about my momma. I wanted them to know what we were about to lose; to see the fuller picture. To see my momma.

We made sure she was literally never alone. I slept on the floor of her office next to her. We had round the clock care. Nurses and caregivers who sat next to her while we slept. We had everything she wanted. We got to be her family and we didn’t have to worry about anything other than loving her and making her comfortable.

My momma left this world in style. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

She fought so hard. We are so proud of her. Her journey here on earth is over. She won her fight. She is at peace.

No more pain. She is home.

Sending you love,

Elyse

You can call or text me anytime. I might not answer, but please leave a message. (805) 404-9853.

I wish I had better news for you all. My momma is going on hospice tonight. She is a warrior. She has fought so hard. Her body is tired. The tumors have grown rapidly over the last few weeks. She has pushed herself at the SNF. She has tried OT and PT and unfortunately, the cancer didn’t wait for her to get strong enough to do more treatment. She’s been in and out of hospitals and rehabs and nursing facilities for 3 months now. It’s time to come home.

I don’t have a lot to say besides I am beyond devastated. I have absolutely no idea how to move through this. She is my best friend. She is my North Star. She is my home.

We tried so hard, but it just wasn’t enough. Cancer is a nasty mother fucker.

My brother and I are at her bedside at UCLA now with her. She’s snoring as I this. We will continue to be inseparable for as long as possible.

I’ll try to keep you updated. You can text me or leave a message at 805 404 9853. I might not answer, but feel free.

Your love and support has carried her and all of us through this. Please continue to send love and positivity our way.

Preston, Wade, and I thank you for your support from the bottom of our hearts.

Love your people fiercely.

With love,

Elyse

Hi Again. Still Elyse.

My mom was discharged from UCLA yesterday after 3 and a half weeks and transferred over to Brentwood Healthcare Center which is a Skilled Nursing Facility.

The caudal pain block was not quite the miracle we hoped it to be on day one, but there have been some improvements. She is still unable to stand independently, but most of the doctors feel this is because of the pain and weakness that comes from deconditioning. She’s struggled a lot with PT. It’s definitely a long journey ahead.

Last week, UCLA started allowing visitors! My brother is here from Oregon, and they only allowed one visitor per day, so he and I switched off. I got to spend the day with her 4 times before she moved, but now the SNF doesn’t allow visitors at all. It was so great to be with her! She was able to engage in conversation and have company every day. We were able to see the doctors in person and see how she was doing with our own eyes. I think it was very helpful for her mental health.

The infections she was fighting have cleared up, but there’s still some forgetfulness, loopiness, and confusion that mainly seems to come from the opioids and anxiety. Things have absolutely improved from May 17th when she was admitted to the hospital, but there’s still so many hurdles ahead.

I just spoke to her and she sounded very tired. She has a roommate, which if you know my mom, is like her own personal hell. She said she’s not sure if this is the place for her, but when I pressed her, she said she felt like we all needed to give it some time. She was incredibly anxious about leaving UCLA. She felt very safe there. So, it’s not surprising that she’s reluctant to this change. I asked her if she feels safe and like she’s getting what she needs, and she said absolutely. I asked her yes or no questions in case she didn’t feel comfortable saying things because there’s another person in the room. Everything she told me sounded like the important things are being addressed and she’s being cared for, but she just doesn’t love being there or change in general. Her doctor at the facility is a UCLA doctor, and he met with her this morning and spoke with me on the phone, so that was reassuring.

In regards to her accounting practice, Preston and I sent back all the documents that she was sent, but was unable to use, this afternoon. I know how much she loved doing taxes. I know she never really wanted to ever actually retire. It’s shitty and sad that she wasn’t able to finish her last tax season, and I know it weighs heavy on her that she let some of her clients down. My brother and I also feel bad that the deadline is a month away, and we just finally got to returning the unfinished work. It’s been such a chaotic time for us, and we appreciate everyone’s patience with my mom and with us.

This whole cancer journey has been such a roller coaster. I just pray she’s able to be independent again and that she can come home. There’s no real timeline. Unlike the acute rehab she was at, there’s no real time limit for the stay at a skilled nursing facility. The average stay at a SNF is about 6 weeks, so I’m hopeful she’ll be home in 2 months. She is motivated to move and to keep moving forward, but she’s also afraid of the pain and really doesn’t like PT, but she’s the first the admit it’s a necessary evil. She wants to go really slow, but she wants to make progress. As long as she’s still moving forward, I’m happy.

She’s come a very long way, and she’s overcome a lot. The doctors continually praised her for her efforts and all she’s had to fight through. Let’s just pray she continues to make progress no matter how slow. Slow and steady wins the race.

Please continue to send all the positive, healing thoughts. We appreciate them so very much! Like I’ve said, she’s not great at getting back to people, but that doesn’t mean when she does check her phone that she doesn’t love to see your messages. I set her phone to do not disturb, so it only makes noise when my brother, Wade, or I call, so feel free to call and leave a message or a text. You won’t disturb her since her phone won’t make noise. If you call, it’ll go straight to voicemail. 🙂 You’re also always free to call or text me at 805 404 9853 any time.

As always, thank you so much for your support and positivity! Thank you!

Best,

Elyse

Hi All! Elyse here.

My mom got the CT nerve blocker done on Thursday and it seems to be very helpful for her. We talked with her for several hours over Zoom yesterday, and she seemed like herself. Her confusion and delerium seems pretty much gone. She was engaged and smiling and talkative. We haven’t spoken for more than a few minutes a day in the last month or so, so this was great news!

We had a Zoom meeting with her doctors and her yesterday. There were at least 12 people on the call. It was wonderful to feel the support and commitment of a team dedicated to helping my mom.

We decided that her cancer is stable enough to postpone continued cancer treatment and focus on physical therapy and quality of life. At this moment, continued chemo would make her sicker and weaker and her gynonc just doesn’t feel that’s a useful path. Hopefully, with the nerve blocker and physical therapy, she will be strong enough in a few months to continue chemotherapy. We will revisit cancer treatment in a month or two.

The team believes she should return to an acute rehab facility for a few weeks and really focus on agressive physical therapy and occupational therapy. Hopefully, with her infections treated, and her pain better managed, she’ll be able to get much more out of this stay in an acute rehab. We learned a lot last time, so we’re better prepared this time around.

The pain blocker is temporary, but it can be done again. So far, it seems like a game changer. Her outlook and overall demeanor were so much better yesterday than they’ve been in months. She feels hopeful. She got into a special chair known as a cardiac chair twice yesterday, which is a big deal for her. She even called me last night, which she hasn’t done in at least a month. I usually have to call the nurses station directly and ask them to have her call me or let me speak to her on their phone. It felt good that she felt up to calling me on her own. She also ate! Again, that might sound small, but she’s had zero appetite for the last month or so. She loves the chicken salad sandwich at UCLA hospital (lol only she would have a favorite hospital sandwich), and she had 1/4 of it. Again, that sounds silly if you’re not familiar with this healing journey, but it’s really great news to be excited about! Yaaayyy 1/4th of a chicken salad sandwich! 🎉 She was joking about never imagine ever needing any sort of appetite stimulant in her life, but life is crazy that way.

She’s not walking yet, but she feels that’s an attainable goal now that the pain is being managed with the nerve block. She was so emotional at the difference she feels now with the pain managed. She said it’s almost strange. She could barely remember what it’s like to not have pain. She said she can move her legs for the first time since April 15th. She still has a long way to go, and there will for sure be bumps in the road, but it feels like we’re in a good place right now and we’re moving forward.

She has a stent in her ureter that needs to be replaced. Originally, her pelvic tumor was pressing on her kidney and ureter and causing problems. The stent has been really helpful and relieved pressure on her kidney. Even though her numbers are good and her kidneys are strong now that the tumor has shrunk, the doctors want to replace it instead of remove it. That procedure is very quick (last time she was under for maybe 20 minutes) and should be done sometime early next week. Please send prayers for a quick, smooth procedure.

Thank you for your continued love and support. I love the phone calls and the stories about my mom when you all met her. I’ve filled her in on all the love, and she’s so so touched. Feel free to call or text me anytime. We are all so grateful for your kind words, prayers, and positivity. They are so helpful. It takes a village to deal with cancer, and she’s got a great village. Thank you.

Sending you love,

Elyse

Hi again. Elyse here.

My mom is still at UCLA.

She sounds much clearer and much more like herself when we speak to her. She says she’s feeling better each day, but progress is slow.

The doctors are pleased with the way her diverticulitis has healed with antibiotics and don’t believe she needs major surgery. Her other infections appear to be better, too. Her white blood cell counts are still high, but much better than they were when she was admitted to the hospital last week.

She was able to stand next to her bed a few times yesterday during physical therapy according to her doctor. This is a major improvement over where she was at home.

The doctors want to try an epidural style nerve blocker to deal with the pain, but it’s been delayed now several times. Last week, there were some delays for reasons I’m unsure about. Yesterday, the procedures were scheduled, but it was too painful for her to be awake. Today, her risk of bleeding was too high. There’s always something. They will try again tomorrow. They are very hopeful the nerve blocker will help her get more out of physical therapy, and super importantly give her relief and hope.

Medically, the doctors feel her cancer is controlled and that she is moving in the right direction. She’s obviously very sad and it’s been difficult being in the hospital and struggling to do such basic things the last month and a half with no visitors allowed. The mental health component of all of this is a huge issue and the doctors are taking it very seriously. That’s absolutely not to say that her pain is in any way less real. The physical pain is there, but with it comes very difficult psychological and emotional hurdles.

We don’t know what comes next. We have a meeting scheduled with the team that takes care of my mom on Friday. Hopefully we can get a clearer picture during that time. We can’t have the meeting in person, but it’ll be over video call. The doctors have mentioned a return to rehab, but last time, that didn’t go so well, so we will need to be diligent in our research. I’m grateful for the copious doctors, therapists, nurses, nurse practitioners, social workers, etc that are working together to get my momma relief. It’s a complex issue, but I do feel confident we have a caring, competent team on our side.

Thank you so much to everyone who has reached out to me over the phone or on here. I appreciate hearing from all of you so much. Even if I haven’t met you (or met you when I was a baby), I’ve heard all of your names so many times throughout my life. My mom really cares for all you: clients, friends, family. As a little kid, I used to think that a person’s accountant was an extremely important person in one’s life since that was obviously my only connection to any of you. I grew up and realized that many of you actually don’t spend all of your time with your accountant. 🙂 Kids, man.

I told my mom that many of you had reached out and some of you were very emotional. She started crying and told me that she hated to make anyone upset. That’s very her. She likes to hang back in the background. It’s very uncomfortable to her to be the recipient of so much attention and care. I’m sure she’ll get better at it.

Again my number is 805 404 9853, and you can call me anytime to check in or ask questions. It means so much to me to see how many people love my momma.

That’s all the news for now. Please keep sending love and positivity. She’s not good about answering her phone, and her voice mailbox is full, but you’re always free to call or text me, shoot her an email, or leave a comment here. We need all the support we can get right now. Thank you so so much.

Elyse