Hi everyone. It’s Elyse again.

My momma came home from a month in the hospital and rehab on Wednesday, May 13. She is now back at UCLA in the hospital.

When she came home, she was able to get out of the car and into the wheel chair, from the wheel chair to a chair in the living room, and then that’s where she stayed for 12 hours. Obviously, looking back, I shouldn’t have allowed her to stay in that chair. I kept asking if she was comfortable and she was telling me she was. She started speaking nonsense and experiencing delirium and we just couldn’t get her safely up. Our incredible friend and neighbor, Bob, came over at one in the morning to help lift her with Wade. We finally got her into the hospital bed we have downstairs. She stayed in bed from from Thursday until Sunday with the exception of being lifted into the wheel chair once. She had barely eaten anything since Wednesday. Like a bite of peaches and a sip of ensure every once in a while. We’d offer her literally anything and she just wasn’t hungry. She’s lost about 20 lbs in the last month.

We were in constant contact with her palliative doctors; trying to adjust pain meds and address the delirium she was experiencing. It’s a tricky balance.

Saturday night, her doctor told me she looked over all the blood work from the rehab institute and felt she needed to go to the hospital and get a blood work up to check for infections since she seemed to be getting weaker and they couldn’t figure out why. They told us it wasn’t an emergency, but it was their opinion that she needed to be checked out. We waited Saturday night and we had good conversation and made fun of houses for sale on Zillow, which is a favorite past time of ours. She seemed to be feeling a little better.

Sunday, she felt like she was weaker and she couldn’t even work with us and the caregiver to move out of the bed at all. We called 911 and let them know what was going on. She went to our local hospital where they did a CT of her head (because we expressed concerns with the delirium) that came back clear. She was very dehydrated and they found infection in the urinary tract. We let them know we wanted her to be at UCLA and they transferred her there last night.

I spoke to her main gyno oncologist today and he informed me they did several scans. She has an infected diverticula in her colon. He believes right now the best course of action is to treat with antibiotics and to continue to keep a close eye on her. The alternative is major surgery and he doesn’t feel like she would ever fully recover from that surgery due to how weak she is.

He let me know that the cancer seems to have reacted to the treatment, but it’s still there. Obviously, we knew that and we always planned to continue treatment, but that’s never a fun thing to hear over the phone. We are hopeful we can address these infections and continue cancer treatment. He said she’s pretty sick right now. Again, I know that and that’s why we went back to the hospital, but still hard to hear about your momma.

My heart hurts so much right now. I hope and pray I’ve done the best for my momma. She called me at 6:30 this morning and she knew she was at UCLA, but it’s obvious she’s fatigued and in pain. Did I miss something? Should I have taken her to the hospital sooner? What more could I have done? I know in my heart that I’ve tried my best, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve failed her. Why didn’t the rehab catch these things? Why did they send her home when she had such a high white blood cell count and needed to be lifted into the car by an orderly? Should I have fought them? We noticed the delirium, confusion, and depression over the phone and spoke to the doctors at the rehab, but she’s very good at performing for the doctors. She acts differently in front of them than she does with me and Preston, so the doctor didn’t seem to notice the confusion because she answers their questions appropriately. Even though we brought up our concerns, they didn’t seem to address them. Anyway, I’m rambling and I know you all don’t come here to hear about my struggles with this.

I’m also very aware that many of you are her clients and sent her your tax information and you want to know what’s going on with that. I honestly have no answer for you and I’m so sorry. I know the deadline has been extended until July and, hopefully, with all of our prayers and healing energy, she will get better and she will be able to finish out tax season. It’s just her; she doesn’t have anyone working with her, so I don’t know how to handle all this, and I appreciate your patience and grace.

The doctor last night at UCLA told me they were going to work to allow me to visit her to help with the delirium. Apparently, delirium is a common thing that happens after prolonged hospital stays, especially with no visitors. That made me feel good and made me feel like they are hearing me and taking our mental health concerns seriously this time, in addition to the very real physical issues she’s fighting.

I just wanted to update you all and once again thank you for your love and support. Please keep sending the love and healing energy. Prayers are so appreciated. She might not respond to texts, but I read her a bunch of texts she missed and she was smiling and happy to hear from you all. Some made her cry. She dictated responses for a few and i sent them. I know those help her. Praying for more positive news and that she’s home soon. I just want my momma home and happy with us. I miss her so much. I’m so frustrated she was gone so long and then home for a few days and then right back to the hospital.

If you have any questions or anything, you can text me or call me at 805 404 9853. I’m much better at responding than she is. 🙂

Sending so so much love to you all. Thank you for reading.

Elyse